On Hold!

My Commentary: Being Placed on Hold

On Hold!

Hold The Phone!

 Being placed on hold is tantamount to being taizzered by 5 officers of the law, at the same time.  Being put on hold is very close to receiving six root canals, without any laughing gas or any numbing needles.  Being placed in utility phone jail can be closely compared to receiving seven flu shots at Krogers and having  blood taken by an inexperienced phlebotomist. Hey, I have extremely small veins!  I hate being placed on hold! I would rather be on Fear Factor, in a pit of vipers, with hornets the size of birds, stinging the heck out me, than be placed on hold!  Can't stand it, can't deal with it, just can't.  Give me liberty or give me death?  I wouldn't go that far but...

I abhor the sound of the digital computer voice.  These ladies, who invade my hopes of speaking to a live person, sound like Siri on steroids.  They are too loud!  If that wasn't bad enough, they go through this litany of options, that happen to lull me into a coma.  I sometimes try to press zero to take a quick a shortcut only to be brought back to Dante's Inferno!  Oh the horror!  Have they even considered hiring human beings? Hire real people please!

Hey, being on hold does help me use up all of my roll over minutes, as I  wait on their sorry selves.  I would rather roll over in my grave than wait!  But you know I can't hang up because... I will have loose my precious place in line!  "You estimated wait time is 30 million years!"  Can you say arrested development? Sure!  Not a problem.  I don't have anything important to do but sit here and listen to the worst elevator music ever! Is there an 80's station I can switch to?  The Carptenter's are so last century!  Engleburt Humperdink is so so wrong!

Battery life?  Sure the S4 is supposed to have plenty of battery.  Yes, plenty of battery... if you don't have to wait endlessly, on the stinking phone.  They add  new meaning to the phrase, Hold the Phone cause that is what you'll be doing!  Phone purgatory or is it limbo? Possibly.

I believe that we must unite against this human rights injustice.  It is an egregious abuse of human dignity.  I can't hang up and I can't stand it all!  Calgon is on hold too, so it can't help me.  We can stop the insanity for once and live without cable, phone service, electricity or even credit cards!  Just sayin'.  Unfortunately hold the phone abuse goes on and on without anyone willing to lift a finger.  Maybe their arms are tired from holding what? The phone!

The enormous iPhone 5, S4, Note or whatever LG that you may own is weighing you down.  We can't, however, live without our microcomputers right?  Highly implausible.  So I guess I just have to accept this cruel excuse for customer service.  That old adage the customer is always right went out in the 70s along with Burger King's Have it your way! For me there is no way...no way out!  Just sayin'! Hold on!  I will get back with you shortly!