Revision, Revisions, Revisions

I had a very pleasant time on Thursday. I was able to go into a classroom and teach a revision lesson to fourth grade students. We worked on what it means to revise. I first entered the classroom with the book Hair  by Sandra Cisneros. I used to book to as a Reading and Writing connection.

First, I had the fourth grade writers come to the convening area near a white board. I introduced myself as, "My name is Ms. Ucles. I am a writer." I asked the other students to introduce themselves as writers. They did so. Then I asked them a question, "What do writers do?" They gave me lots of answers. Then I asked, "What does revision mean to you?" They gave me varied answers. I then wrote the word revision on the board. I told them,"Revision means many those things that you just mentioned. To me, revision is creating the magic for the reader. I don't mean spells or taking a rabbit out of a hat. I mean that once I get my words down, I now have the opportunity to take my writing to new heights for the reader. I can go from okay, to better, to best just by revising. Today, we are going to do just that."

I then read them the book Hair to the students. When I finished reading it out loud, I asked them to think of something that the book reminded them of in their lives. I said, "When I read this book, as I was saying it reminds me of my grandma and how she used to pin her hair up with these black little curlers. The whole apartment smelled like the get Dippety Do. When I would come over to visit, she would have her hair pinned up with a plastic cap on her head. It also reminded me of my mom who used to do the same thing. I remember the curlers and the hair dryer she used to use on Saturday nights. What does this book remind you of?"  Some students gave various answers. "Today, you will write about those connections for 5 minutes. We won't talk, but write about our connections. Then after five minutes, we will reconvene."  The students and I wrote. The room was very quiet as everyone was writing. After five minutes, I asked the students to finish by writing their last sentence. We reconvened in the meeting area. I shared my piece. I then placed it underneath the document camera. I revealed my revision pens to the students. I purchased about 50 multicolored pens from Staples the previous day. I invited the students to pick two different colors to use. I picked a purple color to use. (Previously, I wrote with blue ink.) I told them that I used the different color ink to track the movement of my mind. The purple ink color to represent my first write. The second green color represented my first revision. It was my first attempt of creating magic for the reader. I read through my piece of writing aloud. Then I read the first sentence aloud. As I read it aloud, I revised the sentence and used the word insert and add. I then went through the rest and revised the short paragraph using green ink. I then invited the students to go back to their writing and see if they could create some writing magic. They took me up on my invitation and I watched the magic envelope the classroom. Some read theirs aloud and some didn't. I loved seeing the thinking and problem solving. They tried to make their writing better for the reader.

Finally, after 5 minutes, I asked to them to look over their writing. I read my first two sentences aloud with a before and after. I asked, "Which sounds better this way or that way?" They said, "The second sounds better." I asked, "Why?" They then explained why. I asked, "Can you see what I am talking about the second time?" "Yes," they said. "Then, I am helping the reader understand by choosing precise wording." I told them, "Now, go over what you wrote. Compare the first write to the revisions that you made. Is it better? Share with a partner your revision decisions." 

Then I said, " I am going to revise again to see what happens. I don't just revise once when I write. I go through it multiple times finding ways to make my writing better for the reader. Let's find out what pops this second time." I told them that I changed pens to red to show my second attempt at creating magic for the reader. I went through and make some revision decisions with my writing, and I including them in my thinking. I then invited them to try revising a second time to see what other revision decisions they could make. They revised for five minutes and used the second colored pen. As I walked around, I could see such great thinking. So many decisions were being considered! I asked them to stop and look over their writing. I read my second revision aloud. Before I began reading, I asked them to find a their favorite part of my writing. I told them that I had one particular part that I loved and that I thought that I had nailed. I read it through. I asked them to share with a partner what their favorite part had been. They then shared out loud. I followed up with, "Why did you like it?" I then shared the pen drop moment. (Moment that you feel that your writing was great.) Most of them told me that they liked the part that I had selected. I gave them time to look over their writing and find the pen drop moment.

Finally, I shared with them the acronym RADAR.(Jeff Anderson and Kelly Gallagher Write Like This) I said, "When we revise we sometimes replace words and phrases with others that help the reader see. Other times we add new words and sentences to make our writing clear to the reader. Still other times, we may decide to delete words and phrases that don't belong or that we might want to delete and replace with more precise and concise language. At times, my way need to reorder or rearrange sentence and paragraphs.  I went through the first three sentences and asked them, "What did I do here?" With guidance, they were able to tell me. I gave them a letters to code the process. I used R for replace, A for add, D for delete, and RE for reorder or replace. After I had done modeled the process, I invited them to do the same with their writing. They did so. I think asked them to share with a partner.

After that, I invited two student volunteers to share their changes with their writing to be displayed underneath the document camera. They read it and explained what were their revision decisions. It was so cute!  What a wonderful writing kind of day! Wow!

This took me 60 minutes to do with numerous school interruptions from outside the classroom. We made it work! Normally, if time is limited, this could take two days. I have left some student samples of their work. I love teaching fourth grade students!

Teaching English Learners and Simultaneous Bilinguals-Pronouns and Antecdents-Explicit Instruction-Patterning

I have been working with my students on tracing pronouns back to the antecedent. We have studied subjective, objective, posssessive, and reflexive pronouns. I wanted them to be able to identify the different pronouns and to understand the function. Understanding pronouns requires a knowledge of their cousins, the nouns.  We could even say, their parents.  In order to understand a pronoun, you would need to know that the pronouns takes the place of a noun. The nouns should be written first and then the pronoun can be introduced. If that is not the case, then we have a vague pronoun reference.  When I introduced this, I talked to my students about how my mother always uses a vague pronoun reference. My mother, with our many conversations, says, "Well, you know that they say that you should drink more coffee. They say coffee is good for you." That always drives me crazy. I always ask, "Mom, who are they?" That question always gets her angry. She gives me the frustrated look and states, "You know. The doctors!" I then reply, "No, Mom. I didn't know because you didn't first state who they were. You were vague." I let the students know that their job as writers is to be clear to the reader. To be clear, the reader has to be able to see what you are talking about. When we start with the pronoun, the reader become blind. I then introduce subjective pronouns. We then read mentor paragraphs from articles and books where the antecedent (noun) is introduced primarily. Then we find the pronoun in the same sentence or in the next sentences. I teach them to trace the pronouns back to the antecedent. As I had taught them previously, we code the singularity and plurality of the nouns and pronouns by coding them (1)(one) and (+1)(more than one).(This idea was adapted from Gretchen Bernabei's Grammar Keepers.) I discuss how they should agree or if not the reader will be confused. I love teaching this. I have included some photos of their work.

First, I teach them the academic terms like antecedent and then we move onto subjective pronouns. (This idea came from Jeff Anderson's book Mechanically Inclined.) Throughout the next two week, I introduce objective pronouns, possessive, and reflexive pronouns.
We find the pronouns, trace them back to the antecedents, code the antecedent and pronouns, finally we code them to check for agreement.  We do this through the use of mentor text and editing invitations taken from the research of Jeff Anderson's Editing Invitations  and Mechanically Inclined.
I show them published examples paragraphs from published text. We discuss what we notice and trace the pronouns back to the antecedent. Then I have them try writing sentences where they first mention a noun and then continue with other sentences using pronouns. I show them how to do this with my own writing and by imitating previously studied mentor text. They write their antecedents and pronouns in their notebooks and on sentence strips. Finally, they are invited to collect (Invitation to Collect) examples that they find in books and articles. My students do this with a partner. They write examples in their notebooks and are prepared to share with other partners and the class.

I have included some photos of their work and other coding that they have done with nouns. I hope you find this helpful.

Reading and Writing Institute at Edgewood

I conducted a Reading and Writing Institute at Edgewood this week. We started on Monday and finished on Wednesday. Teachers  from grades 3-5 attended. My colleagues from Edgewood also attended. We worked on understanding expository and narrative text structures from a Reading and Writing perspective.  We wrote about important stories in our lives and explored topics to develop in our writing. We used common objects to be utilized as artifacts to help us trigger memories. These Indelible Moments from Story of My Thinking by Gretchen Bernabei were fun to explore, write and share. We also learned several revision techniques including RADAR, Pitchforking, and Renaming.


We also learned more about the teaching of grammar in relevant and natural ways. We studied Jeff Anderson's work titled Mechanically Inclined and Everyday Editing. We used the sentence constructs from Dr. Joyce Armstrong Carol in Acts of Teaching, and Gretchen Bernabei's work from her book Grammar Keepers. We also study parts of speech using mentor sentences and the Invitations to Edit. In addition to that, we study nouns, verbs, and explored proofs and conversations to help  interiorize language from Grammar Keepers. Finally, we brought it all together in an Express Lane Edit.

Also we studied each other's sentences and kernel essays by sharing continuously with partners and in triads. We vacuumed the residue with the 3, 5, 7 brainstorm and top ten list. Then we studied sentences using Sparkling Sentences. We had some really wonderful peer writing to highlight and analyze. It was a fun filled 3 days of learning. I can't wait to do this again possibly next year!  I do, however, need to get some rest! I am bushed!

Indelible Moments

Sharing a Moment Using The Memory Kernel

Revising Using RADAR and Tracking the Movement of the Mind

Vacuuming the Residue

Sharing Collecting Signatures

From Three to Joining the Triads to Vacuum More of the Residue

Invitation to Collect and Celebrate-Mentor Sentence Share