Only A Girl-First Thoughts

Only a Girl

Only A Girl
by Maureen Ucles

One more inning to go
One more,
Only
One more chance
Slowly fading, fading away
Man!
Everyone's watching!
My whole family!
Waitin, waitin', waitin
Game after stinking game
When she gonna get in?
My mom whispers so loud
Bleachers are on notice
There's a girl in the dugout!
Look!  Freak show!
People mumbled to a shout
There goes Jim
Now Jacob's on deck
What about me?
What the heck?
No sign
No signal
Just let me sizzle
here, here, here
on the pine
It's not right
Not fair
No, not in the least!

Everyone is in
then there's me
the only girl
with a disease
of can't, won't
never will
Three weeks ago
the once proud all star
First girl ever
to make the all star little league baseball team!
Painful memory!
Utter lie!
Nightmare, Nightmare
some cruel, cruel dream
Why even try?
Seriously,
Coach
Can't you see me!
The only girl
Why put me on the team
If you gonna go all mean
And leave me be
Leave me all by my lonesome
At the end of the line
Pining, waiting, praying
Me, Me, Me
All star?
More like
All out!  Sorry cubed!
All out of nothing
Me?
All gone
Hope gone awry!
Why? Idiot! Why?

Practice, practice, practice
Perfect, perfect, perfect
Hope filled
early to bed
early to rise
Making good contact
straight over the fence
Balling straight out balling
on the diamond
Let them see you sweat, toil and play hard
my brother voice echoed in my ears
American dream
Yeah, right!
For whom does this bell toll?
Look I'm all out of tokens
Plain broke with bukus of talent
wasted for what, for whom?
They never even looked,
Never even stared
Never tried to see me
Just didn't  care
I can play!  Y'all stupid blind?
See the catch snatched right out of the mid air
Throwing heat to first-got em!
Balls flying off the bat to left
Over the chain linked guardian
Flying so sweet
Jazeel Pete!
I am invisible
Slighted
Non-existent
to say the least
in the hot, hot July heat
from morning to noon
desire protruding through
for what? for whom?

Say my name
Call me up!
C'mon!
Just once!
Just once!
One chance to play
Prove that I can and will
Just like all the others
I can hit
Field
Dive
Run
Slide
Bring the heat
Around
Around the horn
With the best of 'em
But
There's
No place for me
Scorned
Just a girl, stupid girl
Wish I'd been
forewarned
about the dead end
no way
Get me outta here!

Strike Three!
It's over
Keith's gone!
Game's over
Stifled no longer
I run home
Gates open
tears of determination
Flowing, flowing, flowing
Dignity in tow
Glove in hand
One day
One day soon
Herb Skeens
You'll see
This girl will rise
Rise above you
and dismiss
Prove you wrong
Be watching
Be there
Not too too long
I will sing
sing a victory, victory
song!